Being present is a vital networking skill. How often have you found yourself talking to someone and it’s obvious that their focus is elsewhere? Maybe they’re looking over your shoulder to see who else is in the room. Perhaps they’re thinking about an argument they had with the kids this morning. Or horror of horrors, you might just be boring them!
Have you been guilty of losing your concentration during an event? Be honest. I suspect it’s something we’ve all done if only for a few seconds. We suddenly find ourselves thinking, ‘what did she just say?’
It can be particularly hard to maintain concentration on a speaker or during the one minute round, especially when you’ve heard it all before. Our minds wander. We may be making a mental note of someone we want to speak to, thinking about a priority task that’s waiting for us or even focusing on what we’re going to cook for dinner. We need to catch ourselves as soon as we start meandering and come back to the present.
How can we help ourselves to be more present?
Preparing in advance will help. Try and address the issues that are likely to distract you before going to the event. Book that call with the person you want to speak to, schedule that priority task, plan your dinner menus in advance.
Be curious. Ask questions. It’s easier to stay in the present when you are having a conversation rather than listening to a monologue.
Consider taking notes. Jot down what you’re hearing and maybe any immediate thoughts but take care not to drift into the past or the future. (It’s all too easy for someone else’s story to take you back to one of your own or to lead you to think how you will follow up in the future.) When we lose contact with the present we miss things and the thing we missed might be the one thing we really need to hear.
How can we help others to stay in the present?
Let’s face it we are almost always more interested in our own agenda than other people’s. If we can help people to connect with their agenda they are more likely to listen and to stay in the present. Asking questions can help. Picking up on things the other person has already said is very likely to engage them.
We do need to be careful not to lead people out of the present though. It’s too easy to send people back to their previous experiences or into what the future might look like. There will be a time and place for that but it’s rarely when meeting a new person at a networking event when time is so limited.
Connecting to the present
It can be useful to spend a couple of minutes bringing yourself into the present before you enter the event.
Where are you? What can you see? What can you hear? What can you smell? What can you feel or taste? By thinking of these things you will be anchoring yourself in the present and clearing your brain of possible distractions.
When you’ve grounded yourself in the present it’s time to join in the fun. Now your challenge is to maintain your focus on the hear and now. Go on a journey of discovery whether you are meeting new people or catching up with familiar contacts. How about setting yourself the challenge to find out something you don’t already know about anybody that you have met before.
The online challenge
Staying present can be even more of a challenge in online meetings. Usually we are in our own space surrounded by our own lives. We might be tempted to multi task whilst in the meeting. You will probably be able to drink a coffee and stay present but anything that requires even a bit of brainpower will distract you and possibly others.
Set yourself up for success. Remove distractions from your line of sight. Tell anyone else who is around that you are going into a meeting. Try and find a quiet space free from extraneous noise. Practise the connecting exercise above before you join the meeting.
In conclusion
Just recognising the need to be present is half the battle, remember it each time you attend a networking event. Becoming more self-aware will also help. How often are we fully present? What bad habits have we got? How can we overcome them?
You could try reviewing your performance after an event. How present were you? What can you recall about the conversations you had or the information that was shared? What distracted you? How can you avoid that in the future? How did you pull yourself back into the present?
A recommendation
If you’d like to understand more on this subject (and a whole lot more) then I highly recommend Felicity Dwyer’s book, ‘Crafting Connection. Transform how you communicate with yourself and others’ published by Practical Inspiration. Felicity is a facilitator, trainer and coach specialising in helping people to connect and communicate. She also happens to be one of our Area and Group Leaders and a member of our Authors’ Group. Her networking group meets online on the second Thursday of each month (10.00-11.30 a.m.). You would be very welcome to join her, see our events calendar for more information.
